The Lost Diaries of the Fellowship1 Legolas
by Kurisuta R.L. NightHawk
Summary: This is the lost diary of Legolas as forseen by me. Please enjoy! r/r!


Diary: Legolas, Son of Weenus  
  
The Council of Elrond: The most terrible thing happened today! When I went to the council of Elrond,I ran into my long-lost lover, Gimli. I can't believe he's still that attractive. He's not as attractive as I am, however. Had a run in with a tiny fellow named Frodo. I went to buy myself some more mousse at the marketplace today,and someone asked me if I was Galadriel. That horrible being, I wish she'd just die. So what if we look alike...*grr* But you know,I'm still twice the woman that she is! Elrond was fondling my leg,under the table at dinner, I asked him what he was doing,and he replied that he was sorry, and he thought it was his own leg. Liar, I know he cannot resist my sexy-sexiness and my incredibly body. I'm too much..(anyone notice that Daddy's name rhymes with...enis?)  
  
The Ascenscion of Caradhras: You know, I really wish Boromir would stay away from Aragorn. I thought those two broke up awhile ago. I mean, Aragorn is so totally not into Boromir anymore. If only that piddling Arwen would stop nancing about infront of him in those skimpy dresses of her. Besides,she and Galadriel are awfully close,if you get my drift. Oh yes, speaking of Galadriel, someone else mistook me for her today,he kissed me and gave me flowers. And then, I realized it was Arwen only disguised as a man. As if, she thinks she's so pretty, just because she's Elrond's little brat. Screw her, I'm gorgeous..I'm the one with no tangles and non-split ends here..and my boobs are bigger.And you know, I can walk on snow,so maaah!  
  
The Mines of Moria: Inside the mines of Moria. Gimli isn't so bad to look at when there's no light. I accidentally crawled into his sleeping bag last night. But he seemed to enjoy himself. He wanted to play "Sharpen My Battle-Ax" but I'm sooo not into that. Lasting relationships can only form after a promise ring of some sort. I think he's got Boromir to steal the ring from Frodo for him. Can't wait, but then again, gold is so...cliche. It clashes with my hair,which,by the way, I haven't brushed in like, forever. That's so upsetting. I really,really need my deep conditioning-creme and my hot comb. But I'm still rather sexy...despite my current state of ungroomed rugged- ness. I think that Aragorn is into me, he's been refusing Boromir's advances lately. And you know what, Gimli called me Galadriel last night, when we were having an intimate moment. Damn her, she stole my look...  
  
Gandolf Falls into Shadow: Finally, I managed to get rid of that pitiful "wizard". Doesn't he know that Grey is soo last season? Really, he was a fashion accident just waiting to happen, I merely just helped him along a bit,that's all. But as he was falling, he managed to yell "I hate you Galadriel!" I was so outraged. I had myself a good cry in Gimli's arms. Why can't anyone remember that I'm prettier? I mean jeez, she has such a deep voice and all that, she is soooo gross. Damn everyone. I'm still the most gorgeous being ever to walk the earth. Oh yea, Gollum, if you're reading dear, I'm sorry about not returning your calls. My cellphone loses service so easily here in the mines..  
  
Lothlorien: Got to Lothlorien. You know, its way past the second age, and Galadriel is still pretty. She's just tripping because I'm more beautiful. To settle it once and for all, I got the Fellowship together, and sat them down. Then, Galadriel and I both put on our best dresses (mine was better of course) and did a fashion show. Gimli looked so confused, he couldn't tell us apart. So after the show, I caught Boromir playing his "Horn of Gondor" for Aragorn. And you know, Aragorn looked like he was about to puke,because he was all red in the face and holding his hand over his mouth. Is it just me, or has he grown alot of hair on his feet? I tried to slip into his bed tonight,and man were his feet hairy. But that voice sounded alot like Frodo. And as I slipped from the bed, Aragorn said rather enjoyably "Galadriel,are you sure you don't want to sleep here?" I was so disgusted that I went straight to Galadriel's mirror-bath thingy and had a nice long bubbly-bath soak in it. Serves you right for being jealous of my sexy- sexiness....  
  
Rowing The Boats: We've been rowing for days. I got to share my boat with Gimli. It was most enjoyable.Gimli was splashing me alot,and we were having so much fun. And then, Aragorn yelled over to us and asked when Galadriel joined the fellowship. You know, I have half a mind to just turn around and row back to Lothlorien to strangle that whore with her own hair? Oh I only wish I could,but Gimli wouldn't let me turn back. The whole blasted fellowship seems to think I'm Galadriel, it really makes me want to kill them all in their sleep. I'll show them femininity. You know, Boromir's been looking at me in a funny way lately,he looks like he wants to jump on me and make sweet human love to my body, but then again,so does Aragorn,and everyone. I'm definetely not interrupting them..  
  
Boromir is Tempted by the Ring: Haha..I knew Boromir was more feminine than me. He was all trying to cop a feel of Frodo so that he could get the One ring. You know, I think Gimli paid him well to steal it. But damn Aragorn, he made Boromir give the ring back to Frodo. Stupid hobbits, they've been complaining that my hair is too shiny and they can't see when the sun is out because of it...the whole blasted journey. I'm about to push them off a cliff. And Gimli has been putting the moves on Boromir again now! Dash it all! I'm the sexy-sexines one! Not that stupid human! Boromir slipped me a note in my sandwich. He wants me to go on a moonlit stroll with him. And I think just this once, I will. Hopefully,its not like the moonlit stroll that I took with Gimli, I think Boromir has bad spelling, he spelled my name G-A-L-A-D-R-I-E-L...no matter, he's still sooo cute.  
  
Boromir Dies: Damn it anyhow! Just when the sexy-sexiness possessor is about to get some action, Boromir dies. Aragorn even kissed him when he died..I was so pissed, I just wanted to shoot him with a 5th arrow and blame it on an orc. But you know, orcs really are good for something...Uruk-hai and I slipped behind a skinny tree in the deeper part of the forest for a nice little game of elven roulette. But don't ask how it works...very veyr complicated. By the way, Uruk-hai is now on my shit-list, he called me Galadriel...  
  
Frodo and Sam Leave for Mordor: Atleast Frodo and Sam left. I only shudder to think what exciting things they might do on the way. And now that Boromir's gone, Aragorn and Gimli have been winking and fondling me evertime we're alone. Both of them wrote me poems..but Aragorn's was rather...peculiar.. G is for gorgeous A is for anatomy L is for lovely A is for amorous D is for the things you DO to me R is for really sexy I is for incredibly sexy E is for embarassingly sexy L is for lustful thoughts of you in that dress.. Oh well,atleast he has good taste..it's a Versacci! 


End file.
